100 Ways To Kill a Doctor: Reaver Equalizer
by Shenandoah76209
Summary: Everyone is equal when Reavers come calling. Even genius experimental physicists.


Rules:

1\. Sheldon/Penny – They can be platonic, romantic, smutty, Super Heroes/Villains, etc.

2\. Leonard/Amy's death MAY occur anytime from the Pilot thru Season 9

3\. The death must be completed in a single chapter, although you are welcome to contribute as many different forms of death as you like as long as they are a chapter each.

4\. The story must be no more than 1,500 words long.

5\. Deadline is October 31, 2015.

* * *

 **100 Ways To Kill a Doctor: Reaver Equalizer**

"Whadda ya mean Reavers are real?" Leonard's proper Core diction slipped as he stared at the captain incredulously.

"They're real, they're bearing down on us and if we don't get into the safe room right now we're all lunch." The captain, a no nonsense ex military type was snapping out orders to his crew.

Sheldon exchanged a glance with Penny and she nodded. They, unlike Leonard and Amy, weren't from the Core. Rajesh and Howard were born on the rim, Persephone and Boros respectively, while Sheldon had been born on Deadwood and Penny on Lilac. Howard's wife Bernadette was from Ariel but she'd given up everything to follow her husband.

Sheldon watched as Penny opened their traveling bags and began to take out their weapons. Raj already had his saber on his belt and Howard was busily fishing out his mare's leg. Bernadette was awful with a gun, or violence, but she'd progressed to loading the weapons with ammunition at least.

Leonard was still arguing with the captain, or trying to, while Amy had decided clinging to the burly first mate was the best option. Amy had pretensions of demure, ladylike behavior, but all too often it came across as silly and annoying.

"From my inspection of the ship our best chance for survival is to lock ourselves in the locker below the saferoom," Sheldon murmured to Penny and she passed the information on to the others, minus Leonard and Amy who couldn't be bothered to listen. For all of Leonard's professed adoration of the Rim girl he never did pay much attention to what she said.

"I'll get the provisions," Penny whispered back. "You grab the extra ammo an' water. Dunno how long we'll be holed up."

Sheldon nodded and watches as Penny slipped out of the room, headed to the galley. She'd grab the dry ration packs while he used the little sink in the room to fill several bottles with water. Neither of their home planets were hospitable and it was ingrained to be prepared for emergencies.

* * *

The captain hadn't managed to convince Leonard of the Reavers existence, but when they were boarded Leonard had the unenviable position of seeing the actuality of a Reaver up close.

Sheldon huddled in the dark with Penny, Raj, Howard and Bernadette and prayed to a god he wasn't sure he believed in. They'd managed to keep silent even after the cries of the passengers and crew ceased to drift through the air. The storage locker had one air vent and thankfully the door was concealed behind several false panels. The old ship had a history of smuggling apparently.

When the ship listed to the side it had been all they could do to stay silent. Finally they heard the echo of the hull vibrating, a deep hard thrum that resounded through the ship and let them know that the Reavers had left.

* * *

They hadn't dared to move in case it was a trap, something they'd heard Reavers liked to do, leave tricks and boobytraps for anyone who might come across the ship after they were done with it. After two days huddled in the dark they'd felt the vibration of another ship locking onto the hull and any thought of moving had left their minds. For all they knew it was the Reavers come back to play some more.

Then they heard the voices and knew it wasn't Reavers.

* * *

Malcolm Reynolds regarded the five folk he'd found huddled in a smuggling compartment. Truth be told he hadn't expected to find any survivors on the Reaver struck ship. "Exactly how'd ya'll know to hide below the saferoom?"

He watched as the skinny fellow exchanged glances with the curvy blonde and the other three immediately clammed up. Finally the blonde shrugged. "Sheldon's a genius type. He can suss out all sortsa odd things on ships. Cap'n showed us the saferoom, an' when we was headed to our bunks, Sheldon noticed the dye-mensions of the deck were off by five feet square. Figured it for a smugglin' compartment."

"When the Captain said to go to the saferoom, one of our companions argued. I knew we'd never survive there. It wasn't concealed well enough." The skinny fellow, who had to be Sheldon, took over the explanation. "But the smuggling compartment was. So I took Penny and my friends there. We hid."

"Smartest thing you coulda done," Mal nodded. "We took all we could off the ship, I'm guessin' your luggage and such can be retrieved."

Sheldon nodded and Penny took his hand, "We were headed to Santo." She said quietly. "I hope you don't mind if we travel with you for a while? Until we can get where we were all headed?"

Mal regarded the odd group and considered his fugitives. "Guess you could at that. Provided you don't go pryin' into business that ain't yours."

His new passengers exchanged looks again and the blonde nodded slowly speaking for all of them. "We know how to mind our own." She smiled slightly. "I'm Penny Larson. This is Dr. Sheldon Cooper. He's a theoretical physicist. Dr. Rajesh Koothrapali, he's an astrophysicist. Howard and Dr. Bernadette Wolowitz. Howard's an engineer and Bernadette is a micro biologist."

"Well I gotta say this is a first. We got a doc too but he's a surgeon." Mal regarded Penny thoughtfully. "And what is it you do miss?"

"I'm the scientist wrangler," Penny laughed and shrugged. "We had two other doctors but the Reavers got 'em. There's a school on Santo, they hired these folks on and I was hired to look after 'em along the way."

"A genius in her own right, but unacknowledged," A soft voice murmured and a dark haired big eyed girl slipped into the room. "Doesn't let on to anyone. Doesn't like the stares."

Penny shrugged uncomfortably and Mal sighed. "Little albatross, ain't we talked 'bout givin' away other folks secrets?"

"Cap'n Daddy talked. I listened. No agreement was reached."

Mal shook his head, "Folks, this here is River. She's our pilot whilst our regular man gets his feet under him again. She's a genius too, just don't have the fancy letters after her name."

"We will have much fun learning together." River beamed at them and Mal groaned.

"River you know I don' like it when life starts gettin' too interesting," He reminded her.

"Not the sort of interest the captain must worry on." The dark haired girl shrugged. "I'll show them to their rooms." She began to lead them out of the galley.

"Miss Larson, exactly what is it you're a genius in?" Mal asked curiously before the blonde filed out behind her friends.

She threw a grin over her shoulder. "Anything I put my mind to cap'n. Anything at all."

Mal shook his head as she left. "Well it never goes smooth, but we surely do come across some mighty strange folk."

* * *

Over the next couple weeks Mal found out Penny'd been speaking the truth. Seemed she was like River, nothing she couldn't learn if she was given the information and time. And she had a patience with the younger girl that rivaled Simon's or Kaylee's.

When they arrived at Santo truth be told, Mal was almost sorry to see them go. He turned away from the ramp and checked his gunbelt automatically when he heard the footsteps.

"We decided that Santo sounded boring." Sheldon offered as he escorted Penny back onto the ship. "Our friends want to settle down but we were wondering if you had room for another couple of passengers? For a while at least?"

"I reckon I can scare up some rooms." Mal grinned. "They come with a discount if Miss Penny cooks for us."

"You got yourself a deal." Penny grinned at him.

"Well then, welcome back aboard Serenity."

* * *

 _Author's Note: Being the Firefly fan that I am I had to involve Serenity in some way. And it occurred to me that before Reavers, everyone is equal. So I hope you enjoy. As always, trollish flaming reviewers are thanked for driving up the page views._


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